How Can I Use EFT to Transform Conflict in My Relationships?
by Kay Christopher, MA, EFTCert-II, Certified EFT Practitioner
EFT is a wonderful tool for resolving conflict and improving relationships of all kinds, both personal and professional.
When there is a conflict with another person there is a tendency to immediately engage outwardly in an attempt to fix it. Consider first using EFT to address what is going on inside you. You’ll find that when you shift your own emotions in regard to the conflict the dynamics in the relationship will probably also shift in positive ways you can’t predetermine. Resolution of the conflict is likely to be much easier.
For example, imagine you are butting heads with someone about a decision that needs to be made. You see it one way and they see it another way. As you cling to being right and blame them for their inability to see things your way, you only escalate the problem.
Enter EFT. As you tap on your own issues your emotions will change. That doesn’t mean the situation will automatically change or that you won’t still want the outcome you think is best. But as you ease your need to be right, as your emotions lighten, your ability to communicate will improve. You will find yourself more able to listen, to empathize, to stop blaming and be more creative in your thinking. You will find yourself experiencing more peace about the problem.
Using EFT, begin to address the feelings you have around the conflict. Address the discomfort inside you—your own feelings, judgments, and issues.
• “Even though I am angry about this conflict I deeply and completely love, forgive and accept myself.”
• “Even though they are wrong and I am right I deeply and completely love, forgive and accept myself.”
• “Even though this conflict is making my stomach feel tight and tense I deeply and completely love, forgive and accept myself.”
Ask yourself, “What does this conflict remind me of?” You may find issues from your past are unnecessarily adding fuel to the fire where this conflict is concerned.
If you continue tapping you will begin to uncover your own internal dualities and conflicts. As you use EFT to transform these you will become more integrated and calm inside. You will be able to come to an acceptance that will lead to inner peace without denial of the outer circumstance. This puts you in a much stronger position to resolve a conflict with another person. It is likely you will see options you couldn’t see before and the conflict will not seem as bothersome to you as it once did. It will be much easier to communicate with clarity and respect, and the other person will feel your positive intentions and respond accordingly.
One of my clients has a son that was treated very poorly by another adult. The mother was so enraged at the injustice that she could not experience any peace. She thought about it all the time. However, using EFT this client was able to move through the beliefs and emotions related to the event (judgment, anger, revenge, guilt, resentment, etc.) until she was able to come to peace about what happened. She still chose not to have her son be in proximity to this person but was able to resume her previous positive emotional state. And instead of raging at this person the next time she saw him, which she was inclined to do at first, she was able to be courteous and respectful while still setting a firm boundary.
Another client has a father that always blows up in a rage and upsets the whole family when they get together to visit. We used EFT to address their next gathering and what was likely to happen from the point of view of the client’s inner experience. When her father blew up, as predicted, for the first time in her life it didn’t phase her. She experienced it as happening “over there” and it had nothing to do with her. What emotional freedom!
EFT was used very creatively by another client when, during a conflict with her husband, she imagined that she was her husband, and then used this type of setup phrase, “Even though I have a wife who is ________.” , filling in the blank with what she thought her husband was probably thinking and feeling about her. She said later she noticed that after doing the tapping both she and her husband simply forgot about the conflict and let it drop. It basically “disappeared” (not uncommon with EFT).
Remember that when you and others are caught up in negative emotions caused from energy disruptions the resulting negativity is not intentional. Simply get to work using EFT to resolve the disruptions in your own energy system and watch your emotions rise to a higher, more positive level. This will give you more emotional freedom, more options, and more inner peace.
If you have questions please feel free to contact Kay Christopher.
© Kay Christopher 2008. All rights reserved.